Full House Meets the Mouse

A while back I was lucky enough to catch the reruns of Full House where they go to Disney World. I know Full House is so lame it needs a wheelchair, but I really like those two episodes because I am obsessed with all things Disney. However, I fell it is my responsibility as somewhat of an expert on WDW vacationing to clear up some continuity errors and technical mistakes.

First off, the entire family of ten (including toddler twins Nikki and Alex) manage to get on a plane in San Francisco, fly to Orlando, get to the hotel from the airport (in pre-Magical Express Disney Transportation 1993) check in, get rid of their luggage, have a meeting in front of their hotel, and make it to the parks and it’s still morning. In fact, Uncle Jesses goes to rehearsal for an hour, meets Becky in Fantasyland, goes to do his radio show and then is supposed to change and meet Becky again at the hotel for LUNCH. That’s not possible.
We live in Dallas and we have to get up at 4 am to take a 6 am flight to make it into a park in time for a late lunch. And we are usually traveling as just 2 able-bodied adults. Apparently the Tanners have access to some portal in the time-space continuum, but then why not use it for the whole trip and save the plane fare? Just thinking out loud here.

Secondly, while they are having the aforementioned meeting at the hotel, Donald and Goofy are just walking by and stop to take pictures and let the kids climb on them and such. No characters – especially ones who have to wear those giant puppet heads and size 26 plastic shoes would be expected or even allowed to walk around the property without a handler. And you can’t let your kids climb Goofy; appealing as it may be, it is assault.

Thirdly – I know it was 1993 and all but what the hell is everyone wearing? Danny is in jeans and a sport coat like he’s on his first job interview after parole; Jesse is in a very Charlie Sheen bowling shirt and leather pants (and later in a leather jacket and no shirt on stage with his mullet-wearing band.) Joey is in a sport coat too but rocks the Bermuda shorts with it because, apparently, that’s how he lets people know he’s zany. All the girls (Michelle, Stephanie, DJ and Kimmy freaking Gibler) are wearing shorts but also jackets or long sleeved shirts. What the hell time of year is it supposed to be? In fact what the hell time of year is it ever comfortable to walk around Disney World all day (especially since we have already established time is pretty much standing still for this trip) in long, heavy shorts, 2 or 3 shirts and Mary Janes or loafers? Further confusing the time-of-year issue: there is absolutely no one but the Tanners in the parks so one would assume that it’s January or some other traditionally slow season. Except when they lose Michelle and they pull back to show the other 3 girls searching for her; suddenly the park is shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I guess everyone else’s plane finally landed.

And finally – how the hell do Joey and Jesse get into and out of their magic, under-water-radio-broadcasting ball? Before the show they are scuba diving in the Coral Reef tank where they interrupt Danny’s attempt to propose to Raggedy Ann. Here the ball is already under water and they swim off to allegedly start the show. Then later when it is time to leave Joey decides he is afraid of sharks so he can’t leave the ball. Wouldn’t this ball be raised to the surface and then they get out? Especially considering it is full of electronic equipment? If they open the door to swim out it would fill with water, no? But apparently that’s what they do because moments later Joey is suddenly not afraid of sharks any more and he and Jesse are holding hands and swimming to the surface. Very gay.

Anyway, this is way too long already so I wont even bore you with discussions as to how the girls rode Cinderella’s carousel “10 times in a row” or why Chip and Dale were sitting at the dock of the Grand Floridian when Becky was being stood up for her lunch date – or how they ate the lunch she gave them with their puppet heads on. I won’t even ask for theories as to how the entire crew gets front row seating 15 minutes into the Raiders of the Lost Ark show or why when Michelle was princess for the day in the Magic Kingdom they would have left and gone to MGM. Or how a cast of 8 characters was gathered in 4 minutes to give Michelle a tea party – or why when she decided she didn’t want a tea party anymore Snow White didn’t beat her down.
I will digress. I will leave these questions for you all to ponder. In any event it couldn’t have happened that way… unless it was some of that Disney magic.