Death by Schwetty Balls

So I'm standing outside with my two favorite guys and as usual we're all trying to one-up each other's wittiness. Somehow the conversation wanders off and gets lost in a sick, perverted forest where phrases like "used panties" roam free.

More specifically, one of them tells me that somewhere in Japan there is a vending machine selling sodas, candy bars and used panties. I wonder aloud if there is a way to synthetically produce a substance that these undergarments could be dipped in so that some poor young girl does not have to "use" them. I am told this is not a source of shame in Japan – unlike business fraud where you have to jump off a building.

Of course, I immediately start screaming "NO! Hari Kari, Hari Kari, They commit Hari Kari!" Once I have everyone's attention, I continue "If I was a hot dog, I would cover myself in relish and I would eat myself and I would be delicious!"

"What the Fuck kind of tangent was that?" Witty-guy #1 asks me.
I remind him of the SNL sketch about Harry Carey, then witty-guy #2 tells me that sketch is not as good as the one where one of the Baldwin brothers makes "Schwetty Balls."

True, but Schwetty Balls is not another name for suicide so I had no segway. So we decided as a brain trust that we needed to figure out a way for someone to kill themselves in American culture that would hereafter be known as Death by Schwetty Balls.
Any Ideas?